Communication

Communication is rough, lemme tell ya!

With each year that goes by, we are having a harder time learning to communicate in person. It's so easy to talk over texting or facebook, you can basically be anyone you want! You can control your reactions, or your insanely creepy sounding giggles (If you're anything like me).

I wonder how that's going to affect us with each generation. I wonder if my kids are going to have a hard time making friends at school, being their true selves on and offline, and someday meeting their eternal companion. 

Marriage and Junk Like That.

Well. The thought of marriage brings up a lot of questions. Different questions for everyone, of course. Some people worry about where they'll live, how much money they'll make, how many kids they'll have. Those are all fantastic questions. I, however; am approaching it at a different angle. WHAT will I marry? Cat? Human? Will cat marriage even be legal by then? If not, what are my other options?
Just kidding.
Marriage is a good thing. Quite simple too. You should be happy. If not, reevaluate things.

Permissive and uninvolved parenting

Permissive Parenting: Permissive parents, sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, have very few demands to make of their children. These parents rarely discipline their children because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control. According to Baumrind, permissive parents "are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation". Permissive parents are generally nurturing and communicative with their children, often taking on the status of a friend more than that of a parent.

And the last one...

Uninvolved parenting: An uninvolved parenting style is characterized by few demands, low responsiveness and little communication. While these parents fulfill the child's basic needs, they are generally detached from their child's life. In extreme cases, these parents may even reject or neglect the needs of their children.

These two parenting techniques are the most dangerous and have the most negative effect on children. They both involve lack of discipline, and uninvolved parenting often involves negle

Authoritative parenting

Authoritative parenting: Like authoritarian parents, those with an authoritative parenting style establish rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow. However, this parenting style is much more democratic. Authoritative parents are responsive to their children and willing to listen to questions. When children fail to meet the expectations, these parents are more nurturing and forgiving rather than punishing. Baumrind suggests that these parents "monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative" 

This is my favorite parenting style. It’s so fair and simple. Children need to know why they’re being punished. They need to know they’re heard or they’ll never know how to speak up in the real world. 

This is how my parents raised me and this is how I hope to raise my children. 

Parenting skills

I would like to take some time in the next few weeks to learn more about parenting techniques and styles. I think it’s the most important thing we’ve talked about so far in this class. How we raise our children matters so much in every way. 

Authoritarian Parenting: In this style of parenting, children are expected to follow the strict rules established by the parents. Failure to follow such rules usually results in punishment. Authoritarian parents fail to explain the reasoning behind these rules. If asked to explain, the parent might simply reply, "Because I said so." These parents have high demands, but are not responsive to their children. According to Baumrind, these parents "are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation"

Children raised by authoritarian parents tend to lash out and rebel more than others during their teenage years. 

I believe all actions need to have consequences. However; I also strongly believe that all consequences need to be explained thoroughly and understood by the child. That’s only fair. 

Personally, I disagree with this way of parenting for the reasons listed above. I believe it’s confusing and unfair to the child.  

Three weeks already? Whoops...

So I haven't posted in three weeks now! Whoops! Sorry, I know all of my devoted followers have been anxiously waiting at the edges of their seats for my next enlightening post! HAHA JUST KITTEN!

So. I haven't posted in a few weeks because I've been having a really hard time with some life stuff! But I won't go into it here, or on my personal blog for that matter. Sorry to disappoint, I know y'all care tons... Just kidding! Gotcha again :)

I've gotten so behind on this because nothing has really changed. I have a hard time paying attention in this class because when I do, I either get offended, or loose interest. So I mainly look at blue prints and pictures of really pretty houses I keep coming across on my good friend Pinterest! Oops!

However; one thing that has been standing out to me in this class is the actual class. The students in Family Relations with me are great! Sometimes I feel like they're close-minded and judgmental, but if I keep saying that, then I'm no better. Right? RIGHT!

Their eyes light-up when Brother Williams talks, they crack up at his jokes (not even out of pity, it's crazy!), and they're anxiously waiting to hear what he has to say. It's so refreshing, and it's one of my favorite things about BYU-I.

I may not agree with everything they say, and I may not always want to hear it (especially last week when we were talking about sex, jeeze people!! Get it together!) But i do really appreciate their interest and devotion to families.

I know that each of them is working their hardest to be the best they can be. I mean, isn't that what we're all doing? Trying to make it back to our Heavenly Father? We just, all do it in different ways, in our own time. And that's what I've taken out of class in the past 3 weeks, and I'm glad, because I think that's a darn good lesson!

Love, Love, Love, and Love

In English, we only have one word for love. Love, duh. And we use the same word for every kind of love. Which can sometimes lead to awkward moments, as we all know! In Greek, there are four different words for love. I wish we had that dang it! 

Agape-The type of love one feels towards their children, or spouse. It is also the love unconditional love of God. Agape is the love described in 1 Corinthians 13.

Eros- Passionate love. Loving someone as more than a friend. Eros is the kind of love that gives you butterflies and makes you lightheaded. This type of love is often related to beauty. 

Philia- Affectionate regard or friendship kind of love. The kind of love that creates loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. In ancient texts, philos denoted a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers.

Storge- Mostly used to describe the love within a family.

I think it's very important to think of all these different types of love when thinking about who you're going to marry. Because all types of love are equally important. 

Homosexuality, So?

So I've been working on this post for about two weeks now. I had to keep not letting myself publish it because it's something I feel very strongly about and I'm pissed about how Brother William's talked about it. 

Let me start off with a quote from the church's website (http://www.mormonsandgays.org) Which is a kick butt sight, and if you haven't had a chance to look at it and watch some of the videos, I highly recommend it! 

"The Church’s approach to this issue stands apart from society in many ways. And that’s alright. Reasonable people can and do differ. From a public relations perspective it would be easier for the Church to simply accept homosexual behavior. That we cannot do, for God’s law is not ours to change. There is no change in the Church’s position of what is morally right. But what is changing — and what needs to change — is to help Church members respond sensitively and thoughtfully when they encounter same-sex attraction in their own families, among other Church members, or elsewhere."

 Last week in Family Relations the topic was homosexuality. I knew from the start this would be a tough subject for me because everyone views it so differently. And I knew the majority of the class would not see it how I do, and if they did, they sure as heck didn't act like it! 

I tried to have an open mind and I told myself I would leave class that day more aware of the feelings of those around me, and I would be a better person for it. Then class started. Here's a direct quote from Brother Williams on the subject of a child being raised by two dads, "The baby would be lost under the couch with the remote somewhere!" And one more on just, being gay..., "As a young boy they were not thinking, I wanna go smooch me a man." Ok. I don't feel like I even need to go into specifics of how wrong it was for him to say those things.

My brother is Gay. He's also a hard working student and has an awesome job at the Apple store. He's the coolest brother I could ask for. And he's happy. He's FINALLY happy! He's been hiding who he really is from his family and friends for basically his entire life. Jesse didn't think we would accept him because he was born attracted to men. When Jesse came out he thought it would change how his extreme LDS family saw him. And heck yeah it did! I have never loved my brother more and I have never looked up to him more. He was born different. He was born with a trial that he had to deal with in his own time, in his own way. I may not agree with him in every aspect of how he lives his life, and I'm sure he doesn't agree with exactly how I live my life. But when have siblings ever agreed on anything, am I right? I don't think I would ever be able to be a courageous as Jesse, and I am so proud to call him my brother. 

There was a lot of discussion in class about how wrong it is for those poor kids that have to be raised in a homosexual household. And as I've said over and over again in this blog, isn't love what matters? The only was I can imagine that being a problem is if for some reason gays love their children less... It's a silly thought! Whether a child is raised by two moms, two dads, a mom and a dad, or freaking aliens, they're going to be loved. Their parents are going to do everything in their power to raise healthy, happy kids. 

Many people think Mormon's are against homosexuality. If you think that, I recommend visiting the website link I put at the beginning of this post and reading about what we think instead of just making assumptions. Many member's of the church are misinformed and close minded. Heck I was! I would make fun of gays all the time a few years ago, and I'm certainly not proud of that. But I made fun of it because I didn't understand it, I didn't know what to think. 

Where the Church stands: (A quote from the website)
The experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them. With love and understanding, the Church reaches out to all God’s children, including our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.

As a Christian, I am trying to live my life following Christ's footsteps. I'm trying to become like him so I can return to my Father in Heaven someday. And I think in a way, everyone's trying to be a little more Christlike, whether that means reserving our judgements, being good neighbors, honest people, or accepting of everyone around us. 

Home away from home

This weekend I took at bus down to Salt Lake City to visit some family and go to my cousin Ireland's baby blessing. I know no body really reads this blog, but Auntie Catherine, if you're reading this, you rock!!! And your family too!
The family I'm visiting is the part of the family that I see the least amount, that being said, I think it's really interesting how at home and welcome I feel here. That's my favorite thing about being a part of this great family.
Family really is what makes life worth living. They teach you, you teach them, and everybody's happy! It's pretty awesome. It's good to know that even though I'm so far from my home in California, I have another home in Utah! It makes being homesick a heck of a lot easier, and I'm so thankful for everyone in my huge family, and the things that they've taught me about growing up.

First thoughts

First Thoughts

    I don't want to seem like the rude girl sitting in the back of the class that is too stubborn to listen to anything, but I'm afraid that's the case! One the first day of school i realized this class isn't what I expected, it isn't quite what I was super duper excited for. Don't get me wrong though, it's full of very interesting stuff! However; I really hope I can learn more about how MY family can be successful, instead of why OTHER families are unsuccessful. I want to learn in an unbiased environment that the possibilities of having a successful family are endless. Because they are. 

    Things aren't always what they seem, and they don't always turned out as planned. I promise you that life will not turn out how you have it all planned out on your Pinterest account. Do you honestly think people want to get divorced? That people want to raise their children without a father figure? That mothers want to miss all the cute things their children do in daycare because they have to work? And an even better question; do you think that there's something wrong with those things? No. Sometimes people make mistakes and change, but mostly, people just try to be the best they can be. Learn acceptance. Learn to love your life, no matter how it turns out. Because that's how God intended it. 

    Heavenly Father made your life, as well as everyone else's, how it is for a reason. Show him you love him by loving your life and loving everyone around you, whether they've made the same choices that you have or not. Stop criticizing everyone else's lives because they're living differently than you. Love the triumphs AND the trials. 

    So I guess two weeks and one blog post later, I've changed my opinion of this class already. Yes, the class is frustrating for me. Sometimes I even get red faced and feel judged because my family is nothing like the perfect "Successful Family" that Brother Williams talks about with such bright and excited eyes. But so far I've learned to stop listening to the statistics and the negativity (important life lesson right there, helllloooo!) because if I did, I would be convinced that I have no chance of raising a successful family. And the other thing I've learned: there's no such thing as a "successful" family. But there is a such thing as a loving family, and I know that's what I'll have someday. On my own terms, in my own time, and it'll be between my family, our Heavenly Father, and me. 

Family and Communication

This week in class we talked about how families communicate. That was interesting to me because I consider my family as pretty hectic. Our communication mainly consists of a lot of emails with strong words, dirty looks, and a whole lot of "he said, she said". I learned in class that that is an actually way of communicating. And maybe it's not all that bad! We all tend to say mean, thoughtless things when we're angry, so maybe emailing is better for us. Dirty looks show us that we need to give each other space and time to cool down.  And as for the "he said, she said", well... I actually can't think of anything good about that one! I guess no family can be perfect! 

We may be dysfunctional when it comes to a number of things. But the fact that we communicate, shows how much we all love and care about each other!